schedule
January 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Uhh... yeah. This is concrit, not a flame. I don't want to barbeque you, just open your eyes to some mistakes. #1) Can you say, 'Paragraph of Doom'? Because in case you didn't notice (maybe in your word processor it had paragraphs, I don't know) but the entire chapter is ONE PARAGRAPH. #2) There are a bunch of little spelling and grammatical errors here and there that could easily be fixed and would up the quality of this fanfic a lot. #3) Some dialogue might be nice. It could be thoughts, actual speech, anything. Stuff like that just makes it more interesting for the reader. You have the makings of a really good fic here, and with minimal effort, you can turn it into something great! :)
~CRB (Kelsey)
~CRB (Kelsey)
schedule
December 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG continue! MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! Great idea!
-Ruri
-Ruri
schedule
October 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
its good, please write more
schedule
August 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
nice start
schedule
August 9, 2004 at 12:00 AM
LOL LOL shikamaru is sucha dumbass! lol I totally love him!
although i gotta say...doing something while he was drunk..and then ditching ino like that...*glares at shikamaru*
although i gotta say...doing something while he was drunk..and then ditching ino like that...*glares at shikamaru*