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October 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
this was really really good. and to try a sasu/ita! awesome!! i loved it. you wrote this really well. though the word perineum was repeated a little too much? i cant wait for more from you. :) maybe a sequel?
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October 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hee hee - liked Itachi saying "what the hell for?" x33333 And FYI - the correct spelling is 'icicle' Great balance of physical detail and thoughts going through the characters head. HOT!!!
It's so nice to see Sasuke seme for once! :D
1st fic? NOWAI!!! :o Great job!
It's so nice to see Sasuke seme for once! :D
1st fic? NOWAI!!! :o Great job!
schedule
October 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I didn't get a sense of a bond between either Naruto and Sasuke or Sasuke and Itachi. Sasuke in your fic comes across a bit like a predator (which is probably good if he's after Itachi), but there is a distinct lack of emotion that compels me to skim the fic rather than experiencing it mentally. The characters aren't really connecting with each other, so I am unable to really connect with them.
It's not enough to just take characters we all know and write a fic about them. Not all the time anyway.
I'm trying to be constructive, not harsh. I promise.
It's not enough to just take characters we all know and write a fic about them. Not all the time anyway.
I'm trying to be constructive, not harsh. I promise.